It is Day Twenty-shmurmblemumble of my back to yoga forever lifestyle! Which is what I’m changing the name to because I think having a finite number of days is a bit limiting, and calling it a challenge gives it the illusion of being difficult, when what I’m really accomplishing is making yoga an easy, daily, regular practice for the rest of my life. I’ve been back for almost a month, and here’s what’s going on:
Classes are starting to get easier, waffling back and forth between days where I feel light-headed and dizzy and days where I feel strong and awesome and complete the entire class. I’m looking forward to more strong and awesome classes, because those are the classes where I really dig deep and get into the nitty gritty adjustments part of class.
The BIGGEST THING I’ve learned about myself this time around is that I’ve been holding a lot of compression and tension in my chest. The instructor told me sometime last week that if I lifted my chest more, I’d have been able to touch the floor in my backbend. (!!!)
I’ve also noticed that when I lift my chest up, there’s quite a bit of discomfort, a feeling of intense exposure that causes me to feel vulnerable, so it manifests as the desire to crunch back down. I know this is something I can work through, and it feels like something extremely powerful, like if I can break through this fear of exposure I will gain a whole slew of positive attributes. It feels like my chest is the key to my confidence, and it is my goal for the next thirty days of yoga to really push myself past that comfort zone and into the place where I feel comfortable keeping my chest high.
How often do I doubt myself, second guess myself, worry that I’m making the wrong decision to the point that I don’t make any decision at all? Every time I push my chest forward, these emotions come flooding in so powerfully that I feel almost like crying. Which means that this is where I’m trapping them, and keeping them by continuing to crunch myself up to feel comfort.
Which means I am holding within myself the solution to my own “issues”.
I will conquer these emotions and become the person I am underneath it all. Fear and self-doubt, you can suck it. Get ready to be TOTALLY DEFEATED. 🙂
Oh yeah, and it’s my BIRTHDAY! I am twenty-seven. I am pumped beyond all reason about being alive, and looking forward to making my twenty-seventh year my best, most confident and abundant year EVER. *HIGH FIVES FOR THE ENTIRE INTERNET*