I’ve decided that the answer to all of my problems ever is to just declare myself a professional. A professional what, you may ask? It doesn’t matter, because if there’s a subject out there, I’m qualified to talk about it because I’m a PROFESSIONAL.
Do you need help installing your new plasma flat screen or something? That’s good, because I’m a PROFESSIONAL FLAT SCREEN INSTALLER and I can give you GOOD TIPS.
Do you want to know what the largest body of water in the world is? That’s good, because I’m a PROFESSIONAL BODY-OF-WATER KNOWER and I know that it is that one that surrounds all of the continents.
Do you want to know how to train seeing eye dogs? That’s good, because I’m a PROFESSIONAL SEEING EYE DOG TRAINER and basically you just teach them not to walk into oncoming traffic.
I also know that this post is fantastic because I am a PROFESSIONAL BLOGGER. I’m also a PROFESSIONAL WRITER, PROFESSIONAL EDITOR, and PROFESSIONAL SKITTLE-EATER.
Do you have a problem that needs solving? Let me know, I’ll help you out, because I’m a PROFESSIONAL EVERYTHING.
Now I want Skittles.